weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
