I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
