It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
