i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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