I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
