thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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