I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
