Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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