I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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