you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
