We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
