Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
