hell yes lets make some ravioli
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
