remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
