Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You just made me feel so damn special
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
