He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
