the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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