The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
