Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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