Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
