I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
