Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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