You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
