Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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