I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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