you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
