My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
