There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
