i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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