Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
