This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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