So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
