I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
