the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
