Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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