My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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