Pappa wants mamma naked
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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