omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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