are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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