He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
