you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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