she was so not down for the gang bang
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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