I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
