So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
