The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
