FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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