My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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