I could make wine with my vomit
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
