During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
