Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Your dad touched me again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
