just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
