12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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