i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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